Obviously, I admit my crime. As Jack Ruby discovered, the presence of television cameras at a murder significantly reduces the amount of ambiguity that defense attorneys can throw around during legal proceedings to befuddle the jurors. The crime took place before the bulging eyes of the wealthiest and most influential citizens of Washington State. They became material witnesses and that made my trial as illustrious a social event as the charity ball at which the assassination occurred. Notice that I used the word “assassination.” Remember that, because it will give you some insight into my justification for bringing about such a horrendous event. I did not take a human life without cause and, even though I am willing to submit to justice, I think that my reasons for transgressing the law might warrant the commutation of my sentence to imprisonment until such time as my life is overtaken by natural events, such as the cardiac illnesses and cancers that do in most people.

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